The Culturatti

TIFF ‘o8: The Conclusioning

As promised in comment and post proper, here I present my closing thoughts on the festival that was Toronto 2008.  And only one month to the day after festival ended, which means one month and nine days after such a review would be useful, because really, what use would someone’s opinion about the quality of a film festival be at any point after that festival has begun?  What good’s a film review once it’s too late to see the film?  laebmada gets existential

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Well, well, well. Turns out I was right. First Darren Aronofsky gets the Venice FIlm Festival Best in Show. And now Danny Boyle gets the Golden Cadillac. Never doubt me again. I am laebmada!

On with my Toronto International Film Festival coverage. Surprises within!

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It’s been real hard, this total drought of culture we’ve all had to endure these past couple of months. Absolutely nothing to do, nothing to see and certainly nothing to write about. But finally, it is over. Another Toronto International Film Festival means a return to the glamorous world of unedited, unconsidered, sleep-deprived and consciousness-streamed film reviewership. It’s what I do best, because it’s what I do most easily.

This go-’round won’t be matching last year’s tally of eighteen movies; the foul responsibility of work prevents me from seeing any more than ten or eleven, alas. And the foul responsibility of havin’ other shit to do prevents me from taking up too much time discussing those ten or eleven films.

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The Shorts

The Steemies: because everyone should get a valentine, even the unloved.

Finally, here it is, because nobody really gives a shit about short films, it’s time to give Steemies out to the Features. And oh, what a selection we had this year at the old, grande Bloor Cinema. In addition to the zombie movie, there was also a rat zombie movie, and a chicken zombie movie! Which animals will go zombie next year? Horses?

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At the “Steemies” everyone gets an award! We’re all winners, yay!

I’m comfortable being the reporter on the festival beat here, it fits me. I’ve got lots of time on my hands; movies tickle my oft-ignored fancy; I enjoy extended sitting. So whether I be in Korea, a country better for festivals than I’d expected, or Toronto, a city no-kidding darn good for film fests, you can count on me making the rounds, enduring the lineups, sneaking in the cartons of milk, and trying desperately to find a different gimmick for the writeup. Here’s this festival’s gimmick: I’m handing out awards, each tailor-made for the film that receives it.

Here’s this festival’s biography: Toronto After Dark started in ‘06, ran this year for 7 days in mid-October at the grande old Bloor Cinema, and consists of nothing but cult. It’s basically the Toronto International Film Festival’s Midnight Madness program extended, earlified (ironic that a horror-heavy fest called “After Dark” starts at 1 in the afternoon on the weekends and rarely stretches past midnight), and doubled-up: this year, TAD showed fourteen features along with a bus load of shorts.

The awards for short films were presented in a small ceremony earlier this week…

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I’m not entirely satisfied with this 0-4 Cadillacs rating system the People’s Choice Award people have thrust upon me. I mean, who’s gonna give a zero to a movie? It takes a special kind of bad to earn that, and if Frontiere(s) couldn’t do it, there ain’t gonna be no other movie here getting it, that’s the safe bet. Which leaves only a 1-4 range in which to objectively hold these almost twenty movies I’ll have seen by festival’s end. That’s not fair. Vexille and Sukiyaki Western Django weren’t as good as fellow 3 Cadillac-earners Very Young Girls and Diary of the Dead, but they don’t deserve to be lumped in with Mad Detective. I need point-fives, but the form doesn’t allow for point-fives! The People’s Choice vote is too much responsibility for me! laebmada
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And on we go. More of the same no-proofing, no-editing, no-thinking brand of film reviewership. The Toronto International Film Festival for 2007 continues unabated, and I’m along for the ride, growing ever-increasingly abated. laebmada

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By gum, Toronto International Film Festival — it’s been a while. How’ve you been, old girl? I see you’ve raised your prices again; nothin’s too good for my TIFF. I hope you weren’t too jealous, while I was off gallivanting with exotic, Oriental film festivals. I have to admit, I came down with a bit of the Yellow Film Festival Fever, but I’m fighting it, and I know you’re just what I need to beat this thing. Rest assured, I won’t ever neglect you again, Toronto International Film Festival…

Enough silliness. My last TIFF was in September of ‘03; let’s see if I can still remember how it’s done. And let’s see if I can still remember how to compose a sentence at 3:45 am, because that’s how this is gonna happen — every night, after I get back from the Midnight Madness* movie, I’m writing about my day, and however it turns out — however it turns out – is what’s going up. It might be annoying for you to read, but it’ll be excruciating for me, because I’m anal about punctuation and spelling and all that shit. laebmada

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A ways back, I was fortunate enough to find myself at the 11th Puchon International Fantastic Film Festival, located in Bucheon (there’s that alternate romanization thing again), just west of Seoul. I was only there for four-and-a-wee-bit of its nine days, but I did those four-and-a-wee right. And I got plenty of sleep, to boot.

Some of the films I saw you’ll eventually get the chance to see for yourself, others you won’t; in some cases, the former is a good thing, in others, the latter. Since my time spent not watching movies was relatively uneventful (highlight: after almost three years of careful avoidance, I finally had no choice but to use a squatter), I’ll just be sticking to the meat. And since I saw so many movies, providing me with a surplus of meat, I’ll serve this meat lean. Rapid-fire, get in/get out you’re done style.

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Parts 1 and 2 are behind us. Part 4 does not, and never will, lie ahead. This is all you get.

“But next year? Will there be another PIFF report for we, the children of 2007?”

Nope. I have no intention whatsoever of being in this country come next PIFF. But I’ll absolutely be attending TIFF. It’s only 4 letters later and it’ll have to do.

“How will we survive until then?”

Not my concern. Now, the conclusion…

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